Dear Jane,
How are you doing this day? I got your letter quite late, but it is better I attend to it urgently to avoid stories that touch. You wrote about how your boyfriend ridiculed you recurrently over trivia things. His nagging is giving you serious serration in your heart. At every moment of provocation, he flares up like marshy gas during petrol exploration. Yes, he’s caring based on what you said about him. He buys gifts and gives money too. What I discovered is that you are practically in this relationship because of what you get from it. From the part you wrote “I’m afraid of losing him, because nobody can take care of me like he does”. He is your lord and saviour in the time of recession and you have thus put your own common sense on hold or hibernation. This is not a license for him to be misbehaving to you, because he should be committed to you despite all, once you did not choose him, he chose you. He needs to respect you and talk things over with you maturely and lovingly if he loves you the way he claimed.

I’ve been writing to him in recent time on the need for him to take responsibility for his life. He needs to take care of you and he must be ranked high on integrity matter. It is good and normal that he takes care of you. But when you become an imposed load to this young man, that is the genesis of marital crisis. You are always after what to get. Whereas real love is about giving, giving and giving and not just getting, getting and getting. Draining him will turn your sweetheart to bitter man. That’s why I’m telling you to be a lady of virtue and not only vitreous.

Jane ladies are not just for decoration you need to know that too. Makeup is good and it’s nice that you should try to look good at all times. Have good hair on. But you can’t be changing hairstyles from, wave gel to straw curl, Brazilian wool, Brazilian hair, human hair, dread and not have something in that head. When what is on your head is less than what is in your head, you are just about to buckle. That is fraudulent living. That is why cheap ladies pay with their future investment. They’ve eaten the cake before they have it. It is said that great people solve problems that small minds create. This is a relationship. There are two ends to it. You should not be the reason for him to be feeling pressured. He needs you as much as you need him. When your heart is small, you are only going to cause trouble for this guy. You will not move at the pace he’s moving. There will be need for him to wait for you. It will give him frustration. And he will get bitter. You will feel bad and not know you are the cause of it all. A man on a mission needs a lady on course. Such as could bring balance to his life. Every man wants to come home to happiness. He wants a woman who will believe in his potential, a woman who understands where he is coming from and is willing to be there for where he is going. Let me come out a bit clean. The idea of fulltime housewife is belittling. It is relegating. It turns you to baby-making machine, cook, and his madam in the other room when things abound around that requires your attention. Imagine him losing his job. You both are going to pay for it.

You must have a value you will be adding to this guy too. You are not helping the matter. I don’t know where you got the mentality of seeing men as ATM. Even ATM’s don’t pay out money unless you deposit. What you are withdrawing from this guy is the investment some people made in his life and the product of his own unflinching passion for making headway in life. When you withdraw from a relationship more than you deposit, you will soon be running negative account and there will be bankruptcy. Now if it is in a joint account, where one is always depositing and the other is always withdrawing, it can cause world war III. There is investment on your life too. Don’t squander it. When you’re there and your boyfriend is saying “they person I will marry must….” it means you’re not there at all. You are not qualified. If he’s sleeping with you I’m sorry to say he’s only getting his ROI.

If you continue this way you are only going to end up in the kitchen, living-room and the other room. Don’t spend all the times on Instagram and snapchats visit google too; look out for stories of people like Jumoke Adenowo, Tara Durotoye, Uju Okorie, Sade Akanni, Nike Adeyemi, Ibukun Awosika, Hillary Clinton. They all are ladies of substance. They are maximising the moment, and they’ve defied odds in a culture that put men as all in all. They knew their world awaits their manifestation. So the kitchen and the other room alone were not where they had degree. They went ahead to affect the outside world. Like wildfire, they are carrying the vision, bearing the burdens, and taking action. They are affecting their world. They are making great changes, filling a great vacuum and bridging so large lacuna.
When Paul wrote, that what matters is not your outward appearance- the styling of your hair, the jewellery you wear, the cut of your clothes- but your inner disposition. It means you must have something more valuable under your Brazilian. You have been told. Your usefulness should be beyond the other room.

Amore cum ab,
’Yeni ’Manuel

About the author

Yeni Manuel

Ayeni Emmanuel Olaoluwa; Yeni Manuel for short is a young and agile man with the vision to "light up your light". He holds a Bachelor of Engineering degree in Civil Engineering from Nigeria's foremost University of Technology; The Federal University of Technology, Akure. He has passion for writing and a legendary penchant for human development. He loves reading, travelling, researching, counselling and taking time to talk people to life. He's a practising graduate engineer and certified PMP and he enjoys it.

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