“It was past 8am, with the sun filtering through the pale translucent satin curtain in my dorm, I still refused to agree to the fact that the day has broken as I buried myself under the heap of my fluffy thick blanket to keep me away from the beam. The previous night had been a very hectic one for me. I left class earlier than I used too. Chad; my boyfriend told me he would be taking me for a movie in a cinema. The cinema was in the suburb of my campus location in a quite serene environment. We’d clenched our hands in on ourselves through the movies as we exchange some random looks. The side discussions we engaged in made the movie more than interesting. Chad brought me back home later in the night before he returned to his hostel.
I couldn’t do much than to throw myself in bed by midnight as I smiled into dreamland. I had barely closed my eyes for 30mins when I heard a sound. Who could be knocking by half an hour past midnight? “Oh! It was 8:09am. The day came too early today”. I hissed as I got the door to see the messenger with the dreadful news.
Jane was raped by a stranger while returning from night class. The message brought confusion. I didn’t know whether to cry or to just smile. I was feeling ambivalent. I became cold as I was sweating profusely. How? Where? Who? Why? When? My heart was broken in pieces. Oh! my precious friend. She’s always been an advocate of sexual purity. She’s held on to her values for long. She wouldn’t remain the same afterwards. Depression has been the order of the day and bitterness is eating her away. It hurts to see her hurt. I’d like if you can help.
Those were the words your friend sent to me.
Life is not fair. It is a blend of few constants and multiple variables. Many at times, walking right through the precepts doesn’t guarantee that you will arrive the shore of accomplishment without bruises. Sometimes life just happen. Things just occur. Good things happen to bad people and ill-fate occur to good people. You ask the question of “why” and it seems the answers you get are not satisfying your curiosities. Jane, that is just the life we live in. It is spontaneous. It brings its approach sometimes and it is hard to deal with. Life is bunch of voids with detailed volume not understood. Life has chasm and gulfs that hides several details from the grip of mankind. You know, when things get complex, the fix-it nature of people wants to explain it all away. But it is a shear wisdom to stiff upper leap when we don’t have the answers to life’s questions.
Jane, I know you don’t want to talk about this. You’ve been hiding from the realization of the fact laid bare before you. You all along have been keeping it altogether till that night. The night the inevitable happened had ushered you into another night of your life.
Wearied soul, anguishing spirit, grief and anger filled your mind. You wanted to be out of the world. The reflection of what transpired that night was scary and it doesn’t show any sign of leaving you soon. If you have the chance, you would wish it away. But human brain is read-only memory. It doesn’t give room for deletion of a part of your experiences in life. But this particular one is dreary. You become very insecure and suspicious of every male around. Of course, when you look through the window of circumstance you are in; every male is a rapist. You don’t even feel like being amidst the crowd again. How could this have happened to me? You said.
Telling you I know how you feel might not be true. But one thing is important in life; moving on after a major setback. Nobody go forward by looking backward. You will need to liberate yourself from the shackle of this trauma. It is bad. It is terrible and has caused a huge lacuna between who you used to be and who you want to be. The experience has thrown you a decade backward from your intending achievements. On the road to destiny, there will always be several detours taking you off-course and limiting your chances of attaining the stardom you dreamt of. Learning to recalibrate your radar based on where you are will help a great deal in navigating your way back to the way. Life is funny, you need to be positively phototropic to be able to see the new day. The yearning, the desire, the lingering, the struggle to get out of several tight places that circumstances have put us all is crucial in reaching the zenith of life.
Learn to let go of the pain. Douse the pain. You’ve heard enough sermon. What you need is compassion, love, care and carefulness. Sometimes in counselling, the difference between pressure and advice, is like the difference between identical twins; it is slim. Don’t blame yourself over what you should or shouldn’t have done. It will not solve any problem. You need to give yourself time. You will not forget the horror but you can disarm it from harming you further. Yes. You have power over it. Forgive yourself and move on. This guy took your virginity by force, but your happiness and what happens after this? You’re in charge of that. Don’t allow the judgement of people to hunt you. It is cruel how people still blame you for it. But I’d like you to leave those that doesn’t matter out of your matter.
It is not easy to be a woman. It is delicate. Only a few make it through without tasting the cruelty of life. Some have been through abuse from some stupid uncles, cousins, siblings, fathers and friends or fiends but they still made it out at last. You take a cue from them. Don’t let this scar scare you nor let it determine where you will reach in life. Get over this and be ready to love again when true love find you. Every second of your life tick past and each day; you live it, whether you accept it or not. To spend today crying about the damage that was done yesterday will amount to ruing and regretting tomorrow about the time you’ve wasted today. Let go of this hurt, and let God into your situation. May you be healed. When you’re ready, there’s a balm in Gilead.
Amore cum ab,
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