Letters

CHOOSE YOUR PAIN

pain
Dear Jane,
It will not pay you I can assure you… The way you write off the tendency of getting a better suitor is surprising. Yeah, I admit that people know you’re in a relationship with this guy. They even know that you are both planning for wedding very soon. But I still can’t understand why you feel so hopeless despite the fact that you caught him red-handed with another lady.

 

That is not the first time such is happening. You remember he once cheated on you with your friend, your very close friend for that matter! Any guy who does that is worse than an animal.
He told you that it’s his weakness and it’s okay with you? It’s your marriage we are talking about! I don’t know why you choose to subscribe to such a cheap lie.

There are just some things you don’t compromise on when it gets to marriage issue. The warning signs are glaring now; people only get into bad marriage when they ignore the bad signs. In your case, I see you holding on to something too dangerous for you. If a guy cannot manage his third leg effectively-well before marriage, Don’t think marriage will cure him of promiscuity overnight. That will be a very costly assumption for you. What if you’re out of the country on a business trip or you’re sick? Remember it is eternal journey we are talking about here. Your eternal happiness is too big a price to pay for the cause of what people will say.
I don’t know if you remember the dream of Nebuchadnezzar. He had a dream and saw a statue with a golden head and a silver breast with the legs a mixture of bronze and clay. A rock fell on it and the statue couldn’t stand. Are you surprised? The mixture will never work. You and this guy are cuts of different materials. You’ve been keeping your chastity all along and he has long lost his, sampling all the samples around.

You don’t deserve a dog. I hope you know that and have a heart to heart conversation with your legs before your head drags you into something too difficult for you. This guy will repeat this over and over again. Its better you don’t go around claiming you will change him. Men are usually what they are and not what they claim to be. After all you’re not a converter neither are you a redeemer. It is only God who does that. Pending that time, you need to quit this relationship.
Do this for you Jane. I know it will hurt. You’ve invested in this relationship all along. Your time, money, emotion and you’ve even slaughtered the chances of other guys just because of this guy. He fumbles. I know. But you really need to know when to let go. Holding on will cause you pain.

Letting go will cause you pain. You need to choose your pain wisely. Holding on will not only cause you pain now, It will harm the future you’ve not ventured into yet. Letting go will be painful also. Eventually you will be glad you did when you get over this. I know this guy has money. But what gives you the impression that there are no responsible guys with a scoop of riches? It’s even unsafe to make a guy your financial security. Who said you can’t be successful by your own self?
The bearing capacity of this relationship is very low to a very large length. Don’t waste your time driving piles in this soft peat. You will end up wasting money, resources and wasting the land. Negative skin friction is guaranteed. All will end in shear failure. Remember that “the car that will fall your hand on Monday will start coughing oil on Sunday”. If you settle for this guy because of his money, look and his social stand, buyer’s remorse will soon come after wedding. Marriage is a different ground.

It will reveal what is in the seed of your husband. You might soon discover worse scenario. Why not brace up and appreciate the fact that God allow you to know this very early in the relationship. If you embark on this flight with a faulty engine. You might not live to recount the experience.
When it gets to the question of what people will say you really need to count them out.

 

Remember you will live with your choice all by yourself. If after seeing it all, you still go headlong into the marriage you will regret it forever. It is your life. It is your choice. If it fails, it is your fault. If you do it right they will talk. If you do it wrong, they will talk. Why not do it anyway. People are going to talk about you if the marriage fails. You need to learn to take the right decision irrespective of what people will say. Have you ever seen someone people don’t talk about? I’ve not seen such either. So you need to move on.
As for your mum, she should understand your plight if you humbly and sincerely explain why you need to make the tough choice. No good mother will want a mentally derailed daughter because of the glamour of a day. The glam will still come though. I know your mum is good.
Let go of this guy for God to fix him. Your own name is not “Fix-it-Felix”. It was Jesus who asked for our problems on him to cast. Don’t dare say that. You’re not God. Let me reiterate; when you have to choose between two pains, choose the pain that will pay you in the long run. Life is a series of alternative forgone. To whom counsel is given wise decision is required.

Amore cum ab,
‘Yeni ‘Manuel
© yenimanuel@yahoo.com |
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About the author

Yeni Manuel

Ayeni Emmanuel Olaoluwa; Yeni Manuel for short is a young and agile man with the vision to "light up your light". He holds a Bachelor of Engineering degree in Civil Engineering from Nigeria's foremost University of Technology; The Federal University of Technology, Akure. He has passion for writing and a legendary penchant for human development. He loves reading, travelling, researching, counselling and taking time to talk people to life. He's a practising graduate engineer and certified PMP and he enjoys it.

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