Dear Joe,
Do you remember your former boss; the tall, dark and bearded guy? Those days in the office were tough for you whenever he comes to announce any matter. All of you were usually getting set for the opposite.

When he broke the news of the welfare package he decided to implement for you and your co-workers to enjoy, he fumbled as he failed to fulfill his pledge. When the company was struggling to tidy up the works at hand and pay up the backlog of arrears they were owing you the workers, he encouraged you to work a bit more as they will be paying you as soon as “this” money they were expecting is paid.

The “this” money was paid and it was audio version of it you heard, the video was not seen. Several “this” money has been paid and you have not seen anything. He is motivating you with his words, but his actions are saying otherwise. Whereas the integrity of a man is not just in what he says but in execution of what he says.

Even when he’s telling you your name now you almost don’t believe him. How could you believe when his integrity bag has been long punctured?

But wait, I am seeing some similarity between you and him. You also are failing the integrity test of this lady. She is love-starved. You only send text and disturb her on WhatsApp. I wonder what your relationship will look like if “have you eaten” is banned in your language. You really don’t have anything to say. Even if she’s not eaten.

There’s nothing practical you’ll do. Is there?
In anything called relationship, there is a place of integrity where each party is bound by his words backed up by commensurate action.

When a lady loose her trust in you, you have lost her to your uncanny view and approach to life. A lady that will commit herself to you needs assurance. She wants to know if you’re worth following. She needs to know if her purpose will find fulfillment in leaving all to commit to you. Her consent means she is giving you what she was, what she is and the blank cheque of what she will ever be in the future.

Her family needs to know that their daughter is in a safe hand. They’ve been nurturing her from day one till now. They went through the pain of giving her a sound education they could afford.

The protection and the shielding were not easy too. Even when they released her to leave the shore of her homeland, they never left her. They were praying, monitoring her with calls. If this daughter of theirs will ever be getting married the husband-to-be should better be worth it. Indirectly or directly you will need to prove to them that you are the man. When they ask you “what job are you doing?” It is a serious question. Or when the father-in-law queried if you could take care of a woman. He sure was not expecting your church cliché “God will help me”.

He needed to know what you carry within that God will bless. The friends too are watching you. Their recommendation and assessment of you can go a long way to settle the doubt she’s having about you. If you’re the dubious type too or the high tempered young man, God will help you and your father-in-law-to-be will be the same man you duped and spoke to nonchalantly or you’ve worked together and he knew how lazy you were.

Those things are minor-major issues. You are just living life without you knowing that life itself is watching you and testing your integrity. There’s nowhere to hide. Get your ass off that couch and begin to work on yourself if you plan to ever succeed. It doesn’t happen by chance. You’ll work for it.

With the way you are wobbling and fumbling I might not even be able to attest to your seriousness. I wouldn’t want them to know us together if you don’t change your ways. The word “husband” is giving you tip of what to expect; you will be a “house-band”; holding it all together. When you answer that name, you’re making a commitment to at all-time own up for everything that happens in the family either you are the cause or not. It is a full-life-time commitment.

It is not even about the largeness of the bank account. A woman going somewhere wants to see how committed you are to your goals, life ambition and purpose.

She needs to feel safe with you. knowing that when you see it all, it will not make you to look down on her. She wants the warmth of your love through the pains. Your biceps are important too. No woman wants a man that will flee at all let alone talk of the one that will flee first when tests come. Joe, are you sure you’re ready for these?
If she is seeing you as uncoordinated with nothing but a life full of mess covered with a scoop of active social media life. I congratulate her for opening her eyes. See, every man makes a good manifesto of proposal for a lady but for the man that the woman will call “a man” he must be ready to bring those manifesto to the point of manifestation. That is when you truly pass the integrity examination.

The few things she sees about you now should be able to convince her of what the days ahead holds for both of you. If she were to be your sister, I know you will secretly wish she marries a better man than you. Swags does not put food on the table the last time I checked. May you see you as you are.

Amore cum ab,
Yeni Manuel

© yenimanuel@yahoo.com

About the author

Yeni Manuel

Ayeni Emmanuel Olaoluwa; Yeni Manuel for short is a young and agile man with the vision to "light up your light". He holds a Bachelor of Engineering degree in Civil Engineering from Nigeria's foremost University of Technology; The Federal University of Technology, Akure. He has passion for writing and a legendary penchant for human development. He loves reading, travelling, researching, counselling and taking time to talk people to life. He's a practising graduate engineer and certified PMP and he enjoys it.


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