Letters Relationship

RETROSPECT

Dear Jane,

We should be thanking God for you by now; Jane! You escaped all odds in 2016. Let’s have a review of few things you went through in your relationship this year and see the way forward. What I discovered to be most lacking in your relationship this year is your understanding of what love really is. Love is kind, love is pure, love does not always seek its own way. Love is a dual usage tool. It is giving and it is also getting. Love is remembering, it is also forgetting. Love is giving respect, it is also taking it. You have done so many things right this year, but you can do much better. How will it be? Love is spiritual, it is also physical. Foolishness is when you love your man and you refuse to let him know. Love is an expression. It is not only noun for us to talk about it. It is also verb for us to live it out. Even God wants us to sing his praise. We are human. Everything about us is subjected to fading. Love if not rekindle is not an exemption. Love is not isolating, it is a being together. It requires time and your being together for cleaving to take place. Let me tell you a story. I hope you have more understanding after reading it.

It was a cold winter evening. The sun had just kissed the mother earth as it’s the custom when it is time to set. The bright orange sky had just given way for the star to twinkle once more if the cloud pregnant with snow will not cover its glimmer. The heat that ruled the day had just shook hand with the cold that left the bench to chill the night. Did I say chill? Freeze might be the right word to use. Snowflakes had just started falling to dump white around. Mr Ethan sat by the fireplace to give warmth to his body. He’s given himself AWOL from church. In real sense, is abiding in His presence not to be a continuous thing?  Pastor Dan came visiting that cold winter evening. Ethan felt a lil guilt but held it in defensively. Both men exchanged greetings politely as Dan made himself comfortable on a chair by the fireplace. Dan plucked a firebrand off the fire and sets it aside. The fire on the brand dies and the ember was glowing till ashes covered the glow. Soon the fire was completely gone. He touched the ashes to confirm the fire was gone before he stood up to leave. Ethan looked up as tears welled up in his eyes. “I will return to church this Sunday” he said. He doesn’t need any word. He knew he had missed a place of communing.

There’s a place in marriage that is called communion. It’s a place of self-denial, a place of mutual respect and constant inter-relating. There’s no other place that either make or mar the union like the place of communication. When you lose it here every other thing tends to muddle up. I know you avoid communication in this relationship because you want to avoid misunderstanding. But you’ve also avoided the cleaving in the course of it. Let me make this clear. Misunderstanding is a part of a relationship that tells where each party is standing and when you look closely you see what is under your standing. On most occasion, you’ve protected your pride more than your man that you ought to highly cherish.

It’s like this, earlier in the year, you had a series of fights and several episodes of drama before you decided to run into your cave. In most of the occasions, it’s a case of egoism that both of you are suffering from. For example, when you were writing exams he’d told you a week earlier about a project he’s working on. When exam came, you formatted all of those things to face the almighty as if your life depends on it because it does. Even though you had to find time to call a couple of time to check on him, you didn’t remember to ask about his project. He called perfunctorily too, because he knew world war III will soon begin if he doesn’t. he forgot you were writing exams too. Eventually, you finished exams and you remember his project. He was already angry you didn’t ask about it, you were fuming because he didn’t take the issue of your success serious.

Such will happen in 2017 until you focus on the relationship more than the minor misdeed. What is your gain if you win the argument and you lose your lover? I’ll advise you focus more on what is binding you than what is tearing you apart. Love is forgiving, I mean “fore-giving”. When you keep account of the minor faults and you lose out on the man, it is another model and express showcasing of your stupidity. Learn to let go of the trivial. Hold on to the pleasant memories. Life is too short to be bitter, the rule of life demands that you savour every moment. Live freely. Break few rules. Mend your ways as soon as possible and take responsibility for whatever happens to you. If you also are coming out of what you’re committed to, don’t forget the ember that chose to pluck itself out of the fire. It is your life, your choice, if it fails, hold you responsible. I’m going for a retrospect too. Drop your pride. Don’t miss out on gold while you are out protecting stones. Your friend requested that I tell you not to allow the weight of hatred crush the love in you. I know you will understand when you see it. See you in 2017, when the acorn will give way for the oak. My regards to your Joe. Cheers to the new year.

Amore cum ab,

Yeni Manuel.

© yenimanuel@yahoo.com | 2016

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About the author

Yeni Manuel

Ayeni Emmanuel Olaoluwa; Yeni Manuel for short is a young and agile man with the vision to "light up your light". He holds a Bachelor of Engineering degree in Civil Engineering from Nigeria's foremost University of Technology; The Federal University of Technology, Akure. He has passion for writing and a legendary penchant for human development. He loves reading, travelling, researching, counselling and taking time to talk people to life. He's a practising graduate engineer and certified PMP and he enjoys it.

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