Dear Joe,
Marriage is sweet I’m not disputing that. All the holding of hands, smooching, smuggling in each other’s arms, caressing and the feelings that comes with having someone to yourself are good. But when things are falling apart, you need more than the touching. Those touch will not get you healed.
Joe! I’m not scaring you. but I must tell you that it is hard to be a man when you yourself don’t have your acts together. People keep looking up to you; they believe you have all the answers, but you don’t. to save yourself a lot of conundrum you need a source of refreshing other than your efforts. A lady who believe in your belief will be a relief to you, otherwise she will bring grief.
You are on the street but not of the street. You need a God plus a wife whose source is in Him. You will not always be the sweet husband your wife is dreaming of. You will not always be the messiah your kids will think you are. But the presence of God in your relationship will make a world of difference.
In marriage there are values and there are values! There are some values that are bendable. There are others that are rigid. When it comes to the point of choice, I will advise that you take you faith very serious. Entering into a relationship with someone of contrasting religious view will harm you. Doing that will mean you are loving someone too toxic for you. You will have different opinions about life.
You need more than swag yourself. The style, the fashion, the D&G, Versace, Armani are all peripheral accessories. They are nothing but adornment. Look at most cakes beautifully iced from butter to fondant or royal icing no matter how beautiful the icing is; it is not the actual cake. The cake is not what is on the cake but what is in it. What is in you? If you’re the definition of “hot” and you think that is what will insure your marriage you are wrong.
If you are only concerned about your fat bank account, you are thinking of a house without planning the home and you are wrong. Holidays to Disney world, Paris and Dubai are still not sufficient in building you a godly family.
If life is centred on man alone, you can easily find your path by yourself. Man was pre-designed to connect to a realm higher than him in order to live successfully in line with his purpose. The pivot of a lasting and fulfilling relationship is God. The central of marriage is Him. Chinua Achebe once said when the centre cannot hold, things will fall apart. Joe, remember you’re not Paquiao, even he, depend on God. This is beyond you. If you do, there will just be a lot of movements yet your displacement will be zero.
The idea of marriage in itself is brought forth by God. He needed man to join him in the work of creation. There is a job of co-creating with God. To achieve this, He need you and her. Together, three of you are a triple braided cord that is not easily broken. With Him you can navigate the scariest place on earth.
All those things you read in the bible are real. Remember that guy Jacob who was bent on getting a Rachael despite having a Leah. The Rachael brought the gods of her father’s house. You don’t want to be suffering for the consequence of the offenses you didn’t commit. Let her go if she has no stake in your camp. Let go, let God! If she’s the one saying “No” you should be happy.
Amore cum ab,
’Yeni ’Manuel
© yenimanuel@yahoo.com
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